Walking This Road
by Riku of Darkness
Summary: SimonxRiver: How can I say what words fail to formulate? You act with assumed intelligence, but you’re so negligent. Not very professional of you, Simon. Simon. My saviour. My guardian. My Light


Another story that I wrote last semester on a whim for a friend. I don't ship Simon and River, but for some reason, my friend's constant raving about the pairing kinda inspired me.

**_Warning:_** For those who don't know Firefly or Serenity, Simon and River are brother and sister.

The lines that are centered in the dashes are lines from the game KH: CoM as well as KHII.

**Dedication:** The girl I wrote it for.

_**-**_

_How can I say what words fail to formulate? You act with assumed intelligence, but you're so negligent. Not very professional of you, Simon. Simon… My saviour… My guardian…_

_**...My Light…**_

* * *

_**Walking This Road…**_

* * *

_Two little monkeys sitting in a tree… _

"Doctor, what's the situation? What are we looking at?"

"A very lucky young man. I'm amazed he survived at all."

"Will he get his sight back?"

"Hard to say. I'm having difficulty believing his eyes are still recognizable as such."

"But **_will_** his sight recover?"

_One is blind and the other can't see…_

"There is a slight chance that the extensive retina damage will heal, but I wouldn't get any false hopes."

"No…"

"He should have died. Be relieved of that fact. My work is finished. I can do nothing more."

_Which are you, my precious healer? Blind or just incapable of seeing?_

"Thank you Doctor."

_But seeing what, I wonder?_

"Be sure he takes this medication to ease the pain of recovery, but don't expect it to perform any miracles."

_Such a haunting sound… Those of distancing steps. Can you hear them? Can you see what you hear? Blind or unable to see…which are you?_

"So what now, Captain?"

_Which am I?_

"I say it's our long-awaited opportunity to drop the freaks. The mental patient ain't of any use and without that mouthpiece to keep her contained, it's like an invitation to hell."

"How can you say that, Jayne? You act like they aren't worth the air they breathe!"

"When have they ever been more than that? What the hell use's a doctor wit' no eyes?"

_You don't need eyes to see, ignorant man. So sad… Incapable of seeing… **You** couldn't possibly be like him…but I don't want to—_

"Captain!"

"Enough! You, of all people, Jayne, are in no position to be deciding who "deserves" to be on this ship."

"…Hhhh…"

…_But…what can't I see? Ignorance…Ignorance…Poison… No, I won't let it hurt you. I won't let you be me… Only blind… Vulnerable… Lonely… What can't I see?_

"Kaylee, I'm going to leave you in charge of managing those two."

_No!_

"Captain…?"

_Possession… Burning… The rising flames... Danger? Threat? Pupils dilate for the light… The hungry possession of light to see. You hungered too much… Too much… The burning… Did it hurt? He's mine._

"Just make sure he takes his meds and keep River happy. She seems to trust you enough."

_No… She can't play. Two players only and **she** doesn't know the rules. Just like before…everywhere and nowhere. Small and vast. I want to play._

"You think you can handle it, Kaylee?"

_C'mon, my Simon. I want to play in the unknown. Just like our shadows. Our game. Do you remember?_

"Yeah. I think so."

_Poor simple thing. So blind…or can she just not see?_

"He's sleeping now, but check on him in two hours. Let's go."

_Not see reality? What's real? Come Simon…Let's play and** see**…_

* * *

_**-Walking this road…without you…-**_

It hurt. He knew it would, but it didn't ease his mind or the pain away. He couldn't remember how or if there was a why. But it didn't matter. It hurt. It was dark and colour-deprived. Space was less intimidating…it at least had some white and indigo shading…

He couldn't understand why it was so black. Is this the colour of the unseeing mind? A world of indescribable darkness? Was he dreaming? Asleep?

He heard his name. Inaudible at first, just soft whisperings of a gentle note, and then becoming the recognized utterance of the title that meant him. It sounded flowy, as though it were a question that wasn't really that. The speaker wore a smile as the name was repeatedly spoken; he could feel it as the sound of those morphemes grazed at his exposed skin. It felt smooth, silky…comforting, but also exhilarating. His heart was confused; he wanted the pounding to cease, but he wouldn't hear his name any other way. Such utter chaos…he felt like the physical manifestation of chaos…and didn't know why. So dark… There were no roads, but he knew the path.

…_Didn't know how…or why…_

_**Who…**_

"C'mon Simon. I know you're monologuing in there." He moaned softly, slowly pulling himself from the chains of anesthesia that bound his tormented mind. He looked so fragile now… The protector now the protected…the guardian now the guarded. Despite herself, River smiled at the thought. He was hers now…not the other way around.

"You're always so dramatic, Simon. Such an entrance, drama queen." His fingers twitched a little and he slightly cocked his head sideways. The dim blue light of the doctor's quarters reflected delicately off the chiseled details of his handsome face. River was pleased; the only damage had been his eyes…his sparkling and luring azure eyes… A tiny frown tweaked the edges of her well-worn, strawberry-tinted lips at the thought of being deprived of his loving sapphires, but it was easily rectified by the lucid attractiveness of his blindfold shield. It made him a mystery…her mystery—her enigma to solve and play with, even though he was no mystery to her at all. She knew all about her brother…_everything_. The increment of his chest as his heartbeat tampered with speed, where his breath touched his lips as it filled the atmosphere…_**everything**_.

"Simon… You're so slow." She pouted tauntingly, allowing the expression to waver her words and make her image visible cognitively. "Is this why I always won?" His lips separated wider, his voice gripping his throat and trying desperately to leave his mouth. She couldn't help but smile… '_So fragile, my Simon. But don't worry, I'm here…_'

"C'mon Simon." She placed her palm on his forehead, gingerly brushing away any strands of his silky hair. "Come here," she whispered smoothly into his ear, "come to me."

"R-River?"

"Sit up, Simon. You're a big boy now" Her hand pulled away and she stood patiently at his side as he struggled to comprehend the situation. She gazed at him with chilling amusement. '_Always so rational… You never listen…_'

"River, what's happened? Why does--"

"You're lying around again. Sit up." His groan of defiance was pleasing; she always found it fun to play with Simon.

He asked her name a couple more times, but was only given silence in response. He knew her game, but unlike her, he was not in the mood. Groaning in submission this time, he dragged himself into a seated position. His head hurt, but it felt dulled and tolerable. Something else caught his flustered attention. Something grave and unsettling.

"R-River, I can't--"

"You had a small accident, Simon." Simon frowned at the sentence, though he was much more displaced by his sister's tone than her words. It sounded condescending to him, as though she were lecturing a child. He inwardly sighed; he didn't want to play, but he doubted he had any choice.

"What kind of accident, River?" He could feel her glee-filled smile on his flesh. A shudder took his heart, the sensation making him feel a tad discomforted, but also somewhat tantalized. It was such a strange feeling.

"You didn't listen. We all warned you. Everything was planned, but you didn't follow the fine print."

An inward groan. "River, I was--"

"You didn't listen, Simon." Her tone was so straightforward, omniscient. A foreign wave of inferiority doused his thoughts. "Your eyes are sleeping now. Not to be woken for a while."

"Will they wake up, River?"

"Maybe… They're thinking about it."

"Why the blindfold, River?"

"To guard them from the waking dawn. You don't want them to get nightmares of burning in flames, do you?" A stabbing image filtered into the young doctor's frail thoughts. His imagination had never been very vivid before; it was worrisome. But River's smile was comforting, stroking his mind gently, waving the 'nightmare' away.

_**-To remake forgotten promises at meet you at road's end…-**_

"Come Simon. I want to play." A gentle ribbon of nostalgia slipped around Simon's heart at his sister's words. He could see her angel-kissed face ask his past self, an innocent expression of affection. They never got to play together much in the shadows of childhood, so when the moment arose, her face would be lit with a passioned flame…something that never left his sight…even now.

"River… This isn't the best time for--" Her face may have been something he loved, but it wasn't enough to loosen him…not yet.

"Please… It'll be fun…" It felt so odd for Simon to feel River's expression rather than see it. A forced, though small pout affixed her attractive lips while her alchemistic, deep cinnamon eyes wavered pleadingly. Some tattered and wavy strands of her chestnut hair draped before that expression, keeping it visible, but also somewhat forbidden. A pulling urge smouldered in Simon's depths…he wanted to reach up and gently brush his fingers over her expression…if only to confirm the strange sensation that he felt upon his stimulated flesh.

"It's not a good idea, River. Not with my eyes like--"

"You don't need your eyes, _**Simon**_." She felt disappointed and huffy. His heart jerked. Guilt writhed in his chest. Her emotions and visage kept changing, caressing him with every transition. But this one kind of dragged, penetrating the skin just enough to cause a stinging friction.

…_Always pained him to upset her…_

"River…"

"You remember, don't you? Our game?" Pleading, hoping, longing. "Please, can't we play?" Innocence, affection, desire.

_**-Faded Memories…-**_

"We'll play later, River. I promise." It burned; her disappointment burned. He could feel her bottom lip push against the top one as she blinked with unconvinced defeat. He longed to stroke that expression away; trace his fingers over her lips to tease them into a smile.

_:x:…Don't cry, River… I'll be here for you…always…:x:_

"Okay, you win." Simple, direct, yet deceptive. He shivered. "But I'm not gonna wait around for you." Even if he hadn't heard her stand and begin for the door, he sure felt it as his heart was pierced by a sharp stab.

_:x:…Don't leave…I don't want you to leave…:x:_

"Wait, River…"

"Have fun trying to find me with a head start over you." Her eyes felt sad, but iced with affliction. Angry, and hurt, but also traced with sighs of dejection. "And if you try and cheat with someone, you'll never find me. Just you and me." And his skin fell blank… She had gone

_-x-…Only us. I have only you… You're all I need I don't want to go…-x-_

"River!" He stumbled off the bed, struggling to catch his footing as he fearfully followed her in the darkness. Though nothing of his legs had been injured, the usually poise doctor teetered about like a newborn giraffe. His hands thrust in front of him, Simon worked his way to what he thought was the door and pushed against it in desperation.

_:x:…River… Don't leave me…:x:_

…_**Not again…**_

His hands trembling upon the wall, he tried to block the haunting visions from his furiously vivid thoughts. The thoughts that forever plagued his stone, sedate visage. The achingly lonely voice that only called out louder in the darkness that held his eyes. His heart was so scared…it couldn't bear to lose her again.

…_Lose her to such a hell…demons that tormented her to the point of insanity…_

He was her older brother. I was supposed to protect her against the pains of reality. It was his responsibility to make her smile, his duty to keep her paled cheeks from being stained by the bitter salt of life. He failed her…over and over. He couldn't make her pain go away.

'_Pathetic… I'm pathetic. I'm supposed to protect her…but I always make things worse. I can't see… I can't see anything. It hurts…_'

_:x: Don't leave me alone…:x:_

"River…" The throbbing of his heart made it hard to breathe. His body was moving sideways, inching for the doors, but his mind was wrought with disarray. So many thoughts…too many voices…and yet, such silence.

_:x: Don't leave me alone…:x:_

"River…" It kept getting quieter…his voice or her name? He couldn't distinguish anymore. Chaos…he felt like chaos…

_:x: Don't leave me alone…:x:_

They found it, his path opening within the obsidian milieu. He swaggered through into a space that resembled his visual surroundings. He couldn't feel anything anymore…all lost to him. Her face faded from his mind at the realization. Why was it so easy to lose what you treasure most?

_:x: Don't leave me alone…:x:_

"River…Come back!" The words felt so empty as they dissipated listlessly into the air. Lost…gone into the darkness. Swallowed by the shadows of his heart. Lost…_all lost._ "Don't leave me alone!"

_**-Reconstructed Memories…-**_

"You know I would never do that, Simon." His heart cried as fragile arms crossed over his collarbone and gentle hands gripped his shoulders. Her body felt so small against his back, even though he knew she wasn't that much shorter than him. Like a guardian Angel, river also felt so good against his tensed entity; the sensation soothed that smouldering turmoil in his soul, a warm wave of healing washing in from her touch. He wanted so much to protect and take care of her, but he couldn't make his heart relinquish this feeling.

…_hated to be so vulnerable, but longed to be cared for…_

"What can you see? Can you see me, Simon? Deep in the Darkness?" Her breath was cool, but it only made his flesh burn deeper. His blood felt aflame, his thoughts were scattered, his heart amuck…but he felt so perfect.

"River, I can't see anything."

"Yes you can." She rested her cheek against his nape. She felt like Light. "You can see the dark. That's something…" She leaned onto him harder, as though a heavy blanket of depression was weighted onto her shoulders. "Besides, you're only the blind one…" Pause. "I'm the one who can't see."

"Don't say that, River…" She felt so sad, so lonely. Crimson tears spilled from his heart. All he wanted was her smile.

"But I'm right. Remember our song?" His murmur held questioning, which made her slump further. "Come on, Simon. _One is blind_--?"

"—_And the other can't see_?" He felt the corners of her mouth twitch upwards upon his nape and his heart shuddered in response. It had been so long.

"Yes…" She breathed solemnity. It felt so healing. "But I'm so confused, Simon. What are you blind to? What can't I see?"

"I-I don't know, River." She felt lost, lost amongst an obsidian abyss. He wanted to find her, take her hand and lead her from that hell. But all he saw was darkness. He wanted to answer her questions…really he did. But the correct responses wouldn't come.

"What can't I see, Simon? There's so much coming at me…how can I be missing something?" So sad…so lonely.

"Is it lost amongst everything else? Obscured, maybe?" He felt an enigmatic spark from the depths of her heart.

"Lost… Lost… Lost in darkness. Memories. Light. Secrets of the pulsing heart. Lost in darkness."

_**-A dream—A dream without you…-**_

"Can you see it, Simon?" Hopeful.

"See what, River?" Trusting.

"What I can't?" Longing.

"All I see is darkness." Pleased.

"That's where it is. Please find it." She held him closer, her forehead on the side ridge of his neck, next to his shoulder.

"Please find me?"

"River…?"

"Just like last time. Please Simon."

_Bright… Burningly bright. Pain. So much pain. Faces. Too many faces. Needles. Masks. Piercing eyes._

"Save me, Simon."

_Lots of words. Merging. Gripping. Inaudible words. Tests. Tests. Unspeakable tests. Haunting voices. Abusive voices._

_**-In a world without you…-**_

_Alone. Hundreds of people. So alone. So much pain. So little pain. Confusion. Writhing chaos. Blinding… Blinding Light. _

…_**And then…there was nothing but darkness…**_

"Every day… Every day… I would think of you, Simon. Think about how you would come for me." She felt cold, her skin like an Arctic chill.

"I shouldn't have let you leave…"

"But you found me. Just like our game, you found me in the darkness." He could feel her remembering, the image pulling up vividly in his mind. He felt that lost connection their childhood held re-form within his pulsing heart. He knew it was always there, but it felt so strong now. There in the darkness, where it should have been the most lonely.

River was right… He could see… He could see so much of their past, of her. His light in the obsidian depths. Completely blind, but he could see so much. He felt so jagged and scattered without his sister, his May-May.

She was silent, as though listening to his thoughts. The tender and comforting rhythm of his heart soothed her for the moment.

So why had he never known how important she was? Obviously he missed her when distance became too great, as any brother would, but he'd never felt the warmth of her heart so clearly before. The darkness felt so cold…so why did it make her touch more intense?

_**-The dream I see in the world without you…-**_

'_What am I blind to?_'

"Can you see me, Simon? Have you found me yet?"

"No May-May. But I can hear your heart."

"You have to hurry, Simon. I thought you were faster than this."

"No. You're just impatient." His lips twitched and faltered, falling slightly. Something was distracting his thoughts, teasing them off course. He claimed hearing her heart, but something was obstructing that beckoning pulse. Footsteps, he assumed. But he couldn't decide where they were emanating from.

"Distracted… Distracted by something more important?"

"No, River. But I hear--"

"False Light. Clutching deception. Beckoning lies."

"I think it's Kaylee? What is it, River? What's going on?"

"So blind… Blind asking the shadow incapable of seeing."

"River?" The warmth. The warmth was fading.

"Lost in the darkness. Blind to the Light. Happy searching."

"River… Wa--" The cold touch receded, pulling her heart away. Away again.

"She can't play. Traitor."

"River."

"Your uncertainty blinds you, brother. But that curtain will soon clear."

"River--"

"False Light. She can't play." The voice became a whisper, the unsettled breath raking against his ear.

"If you accept, your eyes will burn. Blind forever. You'll never find me like that."

_**-Torn dream, like a memory from a far past…-**_

"Come find me… All I have is you."

He kept calling my name until murky mahogany grasped crystal azurite. He said that I was sleeping. I guess he was right. He generally is. He must have been; his eyes were okay. I felt disappointed. That sounds mean, but it's true. No longer in darkness, his blindness will only grow.

But I got my answers; wasn't a total loss.

_Blind**ed** by light…blind to me. Blind to the truth…the crimson threads of fate._

And me… I can't see you… My light.

_**-I'd like to put it together…-**_

_I can't see the shards…can't see the light_

…_I can't see you…_

_Until there's nothing but darkness…_

_**-With you…-**_


End file.
